Support can come in many forms. Whatever shape it comes in, it is one of the desired characteristics in selecting a good partner. However, an all-supportive partner should not be desired because it can potentially keep the subject from growing as a person. In this paper, I will show why this is the case. In particular, I will argue that if the partner supports the partner when she should not, the outcome would be nothing more than making an objectively bad decision. Therefore, I propose a four-step strategy to be effectively unsupportive when it is necessary. Following these steps does not fit into the popular definition of supportiveness, but it does help the relationship in extreme cases and dire situations.
Introduction
One seeks support of any kind in times of distress or doubt. Support can come in different types. Roughly speaking, support takes the shapes of Emotional Support (providing empathy, understanding, and encouragement), Informational Support (providing advice, guidance, and information), Instrumental Support (including tangible help or resources, such as financial assistance, help with daily tasks, or access to services), Appraisal Support (providing feedback and evaluations), Social Support (referring to the network of relationships and interactions that provide various forms of aid and encouragement), and Therapeutic Support (professional help from mental health practitioners such as psychologists, psychiatrists, etc.).
One of the most desired characteristics of a potential partner is something that makes one be sure that one can count on them during hardship and in the case of needing help or backup, hence supportiveness. I am not going to say that this should not be the case. Of course, seeking only an unsupportive partner would be misguided! Instead, I am going to propose that an all-supportive partner should not be desired either. An all-supportive partner might take one out of hardships or doubts, but sometimes there is going to be an objectively wrong decision being made by the partner that can only be stopped by someone outside what I call the “comfort bubble”. There are times, I will argue, that a person needs a partner who will stop him from making mistakes, and this is the situation when he thinks he is not making one, but a second person can judge the situation better.
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Before I begin, I must clarify what I mean by “not all-supportive.” I’m not referring to outright disapproval (e.g., condemning drug use), nor to support in the opposite direction (e.g., pushing someone to go to the gym instead of using drugs). Rather, I’m discussing a subtler form of unsupportiveness — when one partner refuses to support the other’s comfort-driven but objectively poor life choices.
Consider an example: A has a degree in …
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