From a philosophical perspective, love has a few characteristics that distinguish it from other relationships. Love is characterised by:
- Exclusivity
- Constancy
- Reciprocity
- Uniqueness, and
- Irrepleaceability of the beloved. (Soble (1990): “The Structure of Love”)
If you like reading about philosophy, here’s a free, weekly newsletter with articles just like this one: Send it to me!
We all like things. I might like chocolate cookies, but is that liking proper love? I might even say that I “love” chocolate cookies, but do I really mean that? Do we love a dish or a friend in the same way as we love a lover?
How can we define love in a way that excludes liking and friendships yet captures what is unique to human love?
From a philosophical perspective, love has a few characteristics that distinguish it from other relationships. Love is characterised by:
- Exclusivity
- Constancy
- Reciprocity
- Uniqueness, and
- Irrepleaceability of the beloved. (Soble (1990): “The Structure of Love”)
If you’d like to read more about the fascinating philosophy of love, there is no better book to begin than Soble’s. Please note that this is an affiliate link. If you buy through this link, Daily Philosophy will earn a small commission at no cost to you. Thanks!
Of course, there are many different kinds of love, and this way of defining love would apply only to a particular type of romantic love.
Exclusivity means that one’s love cannot be directed towards multiple objects. This is only true of monogamous romantic love. It is not true of all romantic relationships (there are many examples of groups of three lovers, who state that they feel genuine love towards all members of the trio), and it is certainly also not true of, say, Christian love. Loving one beggar does not exclude the possibility of us loving another beggar too. Quite the opposite: Christian love is explicitly inclusive, and is thought to be best if it excludes no one.
Constancy means that I cannot truly love one person today and another tomorrow. My love, in order to be real love, must stay constant for a while, directed towards the same person. This is not true of my love for chocolate cookies. I can love cookies today and a steak tomorrow, and nobody would doubt my love of cookies just because I also happen to “love” a steak from time to time. This shows that our “love” for cookies and steaks is of a different quality, and is better described as liking rather than loving. When we attempt to define love between human lovers, constancy seems to be one of the necessary qualities.
Reciprocity means that true love has to be mutual. If I madly love someone who doesn’t love me back, then my love is deficient. In the worst case, I’m a stalker or a creep. Reciprocity and constancy are also features of friendships, while exclusivity is typical to romantic love, but is not required for friendships.
Uniqueness means that I must perceive my lover as unique, not only as one …
Read the full article which is published on Daily Philosophy (external link)
